I just started this story, what do you think?

I think its a good plot, but you definitely need some better writing skills. try taking a course in writing skills. There are three things that bother me the most in your writing: waay too many exclamation marks, you have either run ons or very short sentences, and your grammar sucks. No offense, but just try to improve those things and you could be writing soo much better. taking a cl, or even just reading more could help you with your grammar so much. Good luck :]